More and more often, philanthropic families are working together across generations to build lasting legacies to support the causes they care about. At the same time, the common communications challenges between parents and their adult children don’t magically go away, even when the subject of conversation is as uplifting as charitable giving.
If you are a parent of adult children, or if you are one of those adult children, it will not surprise you to read a few of the typical complaints parents and adult children express about each other. According to Jane Adams, a columnist for Psychology Today, those complaints include offering unwanted advice, thinking they know everything, bringing up unwelcome subjects, invoking feelings of guilt, and the ever-popular catch-all, pushing each other’s buttons.
What’s a family to do, then, when the overall goal is to develop and implement a family charitable giving plan that will stand the test of time and make a difference in the community?
First, consider involving a neutral third party, even informally. Certainly the community foundation can play that role if you choose to establish your family philanthropy structure in the form of a donor-advised or other type of fund. This third party can play a significant role, such as serving as facilitator of every family meeting, or a minor role behind-the-scenes, such as offering advice and coaching to members of the family as you navigate philanthropy plans.
Second, keep family discussions focused on the work. The task of developing and implementing a family philanthropy plan can be daunting. On one hand, you’re dealing with the reality that the needs in your community keep growing and philanthropic support is critical to sustain a thriving region. On the other hand, your resources, like everyone else’s, are limited, and you must balance community needs with the need to narrow the focus areas of your family’s philanthropy to make the biggest impact possible with your limited time and money.
Third, commit as a family to a few ground rules for when you are discussing philanthropic matters. Even one ground rule–”We will not push each other’s buttons,” for example–might do the trick to keep communications flowing positively. Or you can adopt more detailed norms, such as:
–“We will be specific in our communications and provide as much detail as possible for our grant recommendations and other suggestions.”
–“We will be authentic. We commit to always staying in tune with how much we care about improving the quality of life in our community.”
–“We promise to keep in touch with all members of the family who are involved in our philanthropic planning so that no one feels left out, whether we keep in touch in person or virtually.”
The team at the community foundation is always happy to work with you and your family to explore ways you can bring your own family’s philanthropic passions to life. We encourage you to reach out.
The team at the community foundation is honored to serve as a resource and sounding board as you build your charitable plans and pursue your philanthropic objectives for making a difference in the community. This newsletter is provided for informational purposes only. It is not intended as legal, accounting, or financial planning advice. Please consult your tax or legal advisor to learn how this information might apply to your own situation.
